I’ve dreamt about the launch of this site for 3 years. My earliest dreams of what it would be however, have taken a back seat to a more calculated ambition. This new ambition would require me creating a persona from which to share information. I confess,… I’ve been “teachy.” I haven’t been myself. I’ve been writing in terms of ideas, facts, and anything else that would divert the attention away from who I really am. And so, I’ve been wearing a mask.
The truth is, I am a broken and a recovering know-it-all. I’ve used my consumption of information as a mask to hide the hurt that is just below a very shallow surface. As a result of many misunderstandings and failed relationships, I’ve developed this sort of callous alter-ego. It’s an ego that I built specifically not to let anyone see whatever it is, that I think, may have caused others to consistently,… leave.
I’ve tried to overcompensate in areas where I think I may have been perceived as “deficient.” It’s been miserable. I’ve come to the conclusion, that at the end of the day if I hide who I am, I am ultimately working for the very people who for whatever reason, have rejected me. I wear the mask to protect myself from further rejection.
In my attempts to hide who I am, I realize that I’ve come off a bit,… cold. For this I am sorry. It’s a bit embarrassing,…but a sweet woman told me,… “I think that’s a natural human reaction.” I sighed in relief as I thought, “So I am not the only one who resorts to wearing a mask when feeling overly vulnerable?” I guess not.
While I found some comfort in this, I still feel compelled to investigate this concept with all diligence. For I believe that in my investigation, I will find something that I have been missing for a long time… This is freedom.
Freedom From the Mask
I have been set free for freedom’s sake. I believe the words of a man named Paul, in his letter to a group of people in a place called Galatia, some 1900 plus years ago, when he wrote: “It is for freedom that you have been set free.” You see, the Galatians were a group of people who had been rescued from a particular type of death. They were saved from this death by Someone that they had offended,…Someone who owed them nothing and yet sacrificed their own well-being, their own life, in order that the Galatians would be able to live freely.
A Mask-Free Love
After being rescued from death, they were loved and accepted by this Person who didn’t owe them anything. Still, sadly, they resorted back to their old ways. They tried to keep up with appearances and tasks. They were working to receive favor from the very Person who willfully showed them favor. What’s more, the Man who saved them did this without an obligatory expectation of their good deeds. Paul called their choice to work for approval that had already been given,… slavery.
Y’all, I have willfully given myself to slavery by wearing that very mask. I launched this site out of a heart to share about the freedom I have been given. This is the freedom of embracing true beauty in a world that is broken. I have ended up in some ways making my writing an urgent and “thoughtful” to-do list for my readers (raise your hand if you need another one of those,… Exactly!)
How quickly the heart turns to and fro,… who knows it?
There is One who does. He knows it because He made it. Wouldn’t it be counted as a privilege to be in a relationship with the One who made your heart? He is the same one that made it before you had the consciousness to think otherwise.
Today, I am taking off my mask and trading it in for the freedom to be who I was created to be. Join me sometimes, would you?
Of Ashes and Beauty